Worry

People gather bundles of sticks to build bridges they never cross.

Worry is the state of engaging in chains of thoughts and images of a negative and an uncontrollable nature in which mental attempts are made to avoid anticipated potential threats.

Where does worry really get us and why the heck do we do it???
It makes us jaded, miserable, anxious, takes you nowhere, builds fear and ruins our present moments. So why do we worry so naturally? Are there any times when it has assisted us? Does it help to protect ourselves from future mistakes? Now I am worried about how I worry????? hahaha
I know I could do less worrying and my fears are hindering me... so I must do something about it...but what?
Sometimes, the only way to combat worry is to remember what you appreciate and focus on that?


God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things that I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference

L-O-V-E???

True love is a discipline in which each divines the secret self of the other and refuses to believe in the mere daily self. ~William Butler Yeats

For so long I have distanced myself from men emotionally. I have not allowed myself to get close to a man in many years. I don't even remember what it feels like. I am too scared. I will inch closer, but each time I get hurt and run or I turn away from the ones that try. I want to let my guard down, I want to trust someone and know what it feels like to fall in love. I don't know if I have ever had a mutual romantic love with anyone. I guess I did with my husband when I was 18, but even then...I don't know.

It's got to be a wonderful feeling...most songs and movies are written about it and families are formed from it. But how does someone get there? Isn't it human nature? I can accomplish so much with my life; from getting through homelessness with no help to where I am now. I have raised an awesome 10 year old girl, built my own house, drive a pretty sports car, go to school full time (with good grades), have had my very own office working in the accounting field since I was 19, ran two half marathons this year (before fracturing my hip), am physically attractive...yet I am completely clueless on this love thing which should be so natural and centers so many people's lives. People die, kill and go insane for love. Could love be so amazing that it would cause someone to sacrifice all they are? Maybe one day I will understand.

You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. ~Dr. Seuss

Confusion sets in...

God can heal a broken heart, but He has to have all the pieces.

Such a simple quote speaks so strong to me.

I don't have the relationship I want with God when I continue to put my heart into other things; substance or people in this world to fill my brokenness. I want an immediate cure, I want it to stop hurting NOW. This is where I fall so easily into temptation. It seems so much easier to reach for that other source that I believe will make the pain stop sooner...at least temporarily. Nonetheless, I always find that immediate satisfaction has delayed consequences. Each time we choose to go our own way and fix ourselves, the aftermath is way worse than where we began. We reach for that donut, drink or drug or many people lean too hard on others to fix themselves, and they can never live up to our high expectations. We are not solving our original problem, only putting a band aid over a broken bone. Not only have we lied to ourselves, but we have built more problems upon where we began. And the cycle begins!

Get Silly With It

Life is too short to not be silly. I don't care if people think I am immature or a tard. It's time more adults "get silly with it!" I get really annoyed by people that take drama and stupid petty stuff too seriously, although I am sure I am guilty of it too. But usually my problems are much more important than anyone else!! lol

Whenever I think about how great my life is and how blessed I am...I just wanna GET SILLY!!

We are SSSOOO blessed in America!!! There are so many things to be grateful for. When I go home and am able to turn my heater on and warm up my whole house, even if I am the only one home...I am blessed!! It has been in the teens temperature lately and I am sssoooo grateful that I have a nice warm house to go home to! God is GOOD!

My insurance company has decided to take my car issue on as a claim and sue the oil change place themselves!!! Replacing the engine with a used one came to $7400!!! I only have to pay a $500 deductible and when we win (which we will cause I have a receipt with proof) I should get my deductible back!!! God is GOOD! My car has been in the shop for a little over a week now. I have been so blessed with friends, neighbors and co-workers to help me with transportation! Thank you!

I had my last day of fall quarter on Wednesday!! So relieved to be done for a few weeks! I got a 4.0, 4.0 and 3.9 in my three classes. Oh yeah!! Next quarter includes statistics, chemistry and nutrition...*gulp* I will really need to put my nose to the grind. Honestly, this last quarter seemed relatively easy.

Now...time to get silly!

Faith

Matthew 14:30-32

30 But seeing the wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, "Lord, save me!"
31 Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and said to him, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?"
32 When they got into the boat, the wind stopped.

To me, it's not the tribulations in life that test my faith. In my trials I am desperately seeking God and asking for help. It's the day to day life in which I lose my faith. It probably goes without saying that it's that day to day loss of faith that causes some of my trials. When I am not obeying God with the little things, those little things turn into bigger things, at which God then gets my attention. I'm sure He doesn't like to have to go there, but that's my own fault.

By not having faith, it is telling God that I don't trust Him. I do trust Him, I just think I can do a better job with my own life!! haha...I mean I would never say that, but I guess it's true? Instead of acting on my own from what I think is best, I need to be better about waiting on God. Even the small things. I don't want to react from emotions. I will end up making irrational decisions or making choices to cover up hurts. If I just wait on God, He will heal it all and come up with solutions I couldn't even dream of! I mean He is God!

To me faith means not worrying. ~John Dewey

Faith can move mountains, but don't be surprised if God hands you a shovel. ~Author Unknown

Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death. ~Author Unknown

Seriously???

Now, my phone is broken!!! The touch screen stopped working and it will be almost a week before I get a replacement!! No phone, no car...hhhmmm. Finals next week.
Got a bad email from my daughter's teacher today too, she is in some trouble!
Read my post "hang on" to read about the rest of my week! hahhahahhah

Blessings:

1. Still have job
2. Still have house
3. We are alive
4. Still have sense of humor. Sanity? not so much
5. I lost a couple pounds
6. I think I am getting a 4.0 in all three of my classes

Wisdom

"Seek the wisdom of the ages, but look at the world through the eyes of a child" -Ron Wild.

I LOVE this quote. My goal is to live with this mentality; noticeably inconsistently succeeding, but trying to be cognizant of the pursuit to strive. I admire my elders that look at life with contentment and wisdom with their hearts clear of bitterness, judgment and hostility. To have seen horrible sights, lived a life of sorrow and pain but yet be at peace from perspective.
Although it seems consistent to me; the wrath and despair of seniors coincides with a lack of faith in God.
Each one still has much wisdom to offer, be it through successes or failures, we learn through our experiences.

I strongly desire the innocence of children. To look at the world with fresh perspective and enthusiasm. To not know the harsh pain, regrets and disillusionment to come. Everything so simple, exciting and new. To trust, love and make friends with little hesitation.
Consequently because of this naivety, we are effortlessly formed more so by childhood experiences then any other time in life. Amazingly, also quick to grant pardon and make amends.