New Journey

Today marks day 18 of a personal 30 day challenge I created for myself.  I am proud and a little shocked that I have made it this far!  I have made more of these goal/cleanse things than I can count and have failed to fully execute just about every single one!  
The challenge I created for myself and am rocking now is 30 Days:
-No alcohol (which means no smoking, cause I still do that when I drink)
-Hot Yoga daily
-Running every other day (following a half marathon running program)
-Extra bonus - I've been climbing one mountain every weekend!

So far, so good!  I haven't missed one work out or even felt tempted to want to drink.
I feel great!!  I'm full of energy, clear minded, focused, clear skin, bright eyed and bushy tailed!  I haven't actually lost any weight yet, which is a bit disappointing but I am seeing subtle changes in my body and may have lost an inch or so somewhere.

The yoga is my therapy; emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically.  I love it!  It encompasses so many different facets of my life.  

I'm excited to see where I am at the end of my 30 days.  I am hoping to break some bad habits and incorporated some new ones.

Summer Slowly Dissipates

As the summer begins to wind down, I can look back at this one with a smile. Although, it has gone by much too fast, I have enjoyed myself dearly. I have one more month left which includes the fair and back to school shopping (this weekend), another weekend in Chelan, a cruise, Vegas, Sara's 30 birthday party and the rest will be left to working around the house and preparing for school.

This has been one of my best summers yet and I think mainly because of the recognition of my time and the maturity that has come upon me. I am discovering more about myself along with greater self respect and love.

I have met some good people this summer as well, which I hope to keep throughout my life.

Autumn and school are right around the corner and it will be back to the grind. I just hope when that time comes I am embracing it desirably.

Summer?

My summer break is here! Err I get a break, I just don't know if you can call it summer. The weather has been more of a spring or fall picture and a bit dismal. However, I shall not grumble too much since I am not in school for a good while. I ended last quarter with a 3.9, 3.5, 3.5 and 3.7. Not too shabby for working full time and being a single mommy. Even though my break is here, I don’t seem to let myself practice it. I have about a million projects lined up for myself and I have already dived right in. Right now we are working on re-doing Alex's room; which we have cleaned, primed, painted and redecorated. I have given her my bed and bought myself a new beautiful canopy bed with a top of the line mattress….yummers! The money I spent makes me a little nervous, but I've heard that when buying a bed, to splurge on a good one.
Above and beyond my projects, slowing down has allowed me to re-examine my life. I can get caught up moving so fast that it flies on by without consideration. Too frequently, I find myself becoming someone that I would not befriend. Exasperation becomes commonplace that I am irritable, stressed, bitter, and annoyed. The speed of life causes me to react without deliberation. This will be a good time for me to do some spring cleaning; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

I would love to get back into church, start some studies, read some dusty books, interact and meet my community through volunteering and activities. I want to feel alive! The world is just waiting for me to come and play; not continue in self indulgence, pity or insanity. A good 3 month refresher and then back to psychosis for another 9 months! Look out world; my spirit is being revived!

Update

Spring quarter comes to an end in 4 weeks and I am so needing my summer. I am burnt out for sure! 9 months of working full time and going to school full time is exhausting! I can not wait for summer. In the meantime I am stressing about the 3 presentations I have to put together, the 4 essays I have to write and the finals I have to take. UGH. So my grades aren't wonderful but I'm trudging through. All I want to do is give up. It's like the last 3 miles of a half marathon (which I did one on Sunday!), exhausting but pushing through and the end will be a celebration!

So...I'll get back to you in 4 weeks!

Reality on Television

In Beverley Hills, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into television shows. ~Woody Allen

One of the few moral values taught in my childhood, was to filter what I viewed on television. The rationale seemed unreasonable, but I am now grateful for the discernment. Since, have been a couple years in my adult life in which I consumed free cable in my home. I could never imagine paying a company to rob my time and mind or distort my perspective. This time, I got sucked into a madness called reality television.
Many of the reality shows I experienced, specifically on VH1 and MTV, were too excruciating to watch, yet I couldn’t seem to help myself in amazement. I could describe the contestants as Jerry Springer guests with Botox and breast augmentation, the clowns of America’s ludicrous. The network rakes in money without having to pay any actors, writers nor directors, all the while destroying the viewing eyes with ignorance.
There was an infestation of them on my television; Rock of Love, I Love New York, For the Love of Ray J, Shot at Love, Daisy of Love, Real Chance of Love, Flavor of Love (see a theme?) and many more disturbances. I was perplexed that a majority of these upsetting shows were spin offs of a prior one, many of the same people kept reappearing on another reality show with the same theme. Nonetheless, they must have some popularity if they continue to make replicas.
Pulling the audience in like an accident or freak show, one can’t help but watch in bewilderment. Their shows would generally parade obnoxious, foul, and ill-natured women whom are sexually driven to draw in coveted viewers. The pathetic display of ignorance is centered on drama created between contestants, in which each is literally fighting for the love of some washed-up-untalented celebrity just as barbarous. By no means is genuine love ever established, instead it appears as an excuse to become publicly dissipated and humiliated. These “reality shows” left me feeling psychologically disturbed.
Although I do not believe these particular shows to be anybody’s reality, it is portrayed as such and to give this idea to the impressionable seems all too immoral. We are impacting our youth with distorted means of courting as well as the easily influenced that may perceive this as a reality for a search of love. Even if the viewer knows that what they are watching is fictitious, they are still influence by it. Do these shows justify ignorance and apathy in the average viewer by watching someone idiotic? Is the satisfaction in such a program to numb the mind or is this truly reality? We have come back to animal behavior without mindfulness. This representation of today’s culture is terrifying.



Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar. ~Edward R. Murrow

Changes

-As of Monday I have been a "Vegan". I have decided, for health reasons to attempt veganism for a month. It has been a lot easier than I thought. I will report on the process as it unfolds.
-I stopped drinking alcohol March 26...for many reasons, and no pregnancy is not one of them.
-I started spring quarter last Tuesday. Taking English 102, Biology and Human sexuality. Will be an interesting quarter, lots of reading.
-Been working out almost daily.
-Started taking an expensive set of vitamins for body and skin.
-Began counseling two weeks ago.
-Have not done *cough* *cough* er um...that thing since last year

I am more serious about taking care of myself...I am almost 30 after all!!

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France

Freedom and growing older

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. ~Henry David Thoreau, 1854

It is my 29th birthday!
When I was younger, I thought getting older would suck…wrinkles, slower metabolism, sagginess and cellulite.
I love getting older. I love the wisdom, understanding and love of self that comes with maturity.
Most of my teens and twenties I had to convince myself; the trials I was faced with were going to make me a stronger and better person…I had to in order to survive…but I never believed myself until years later. As most know, I went through a lot of VERY hard times but they have refined me into the beautiful and amazing person I am today.

Here is a list of things I learned…
1. It is only a mistake if I don’t learn from it
2. No man is worth my tears, but once I find one that is, he won’t make me cry
3. I can do anything I put my mind to
4. Seek the wisdom of ages, but see the world through the eyes of a child
5. To forgive myself
6. If you don’t like the way things are Change Them
7. Decorate yourself from the inside out
8. It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes my family.
9. Everything I have gone through has given me such an appreciation of the beauty in life and people.
10. Enjoy life, it’s moments and live in the present

I am 29, still HOT and more amazing than ever!
Cheers to more birthdays to come!


Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. ~Author Unknown.

DONE

I have reached a point of doneness.

I am done with many people in my life; close relatives to not so close friends. I am done trying to please other people and get these people to love me. I am done living up to expectations that are not mine. I am done letting certian people walk on me, judge me and hurt me.

It is interesting how one conversation of revealing the hurts I feel can make them never want to talk to me again.

Commuincation

We have become the tools of our tools.

In this modern world of technology, many new ways of communicating with each other have been created. Having the options of calling, IMing, emailing, texting, facebook and so much more. But doesn't it seem like we have less true relationships now? It seems the more communication options, the less we are interested in true communication, interaction and relationship.
Why is this? Are people trying too hard to multitask and less concerned with the heart or the moment? Are we too wrapped up in trying to please too many people?
I am guilty. With all the new technology presented, I forget. I forget that I am still only capable of putting my heart and soul into so much while remaining authentic.

More people need to really look at how they are using (abusing might be a better term) technology. I get annoyed while having a conversation with someone and they start texting. I am bothered when you answer your phone or make a call when not appropriate. Can something or someone really be that necessary, or should you be more concerned with your moment? There should be a code of technological manners presented to the world. I am certainly guilty of all of this, but know that I am going to start being more concerned with the present.

The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers. ~Sydney J. Harris

Goals

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. ~Author Unknown

I have perseverance... I can confidently state.

I am determined. I am determined to never stand still. I am determined to make the most of this life. Determined to overcome, to acheive and to love. I am determined to be more than what I was told I am.

I HATE hearing excuses. You people can do anything you put your mind to! I have...I truly have. Everything I have ever wanted to do with my life so far I have done or am in the process of doing. So many people have tried to push me down, doubt me and belittle me. My perseverance will prevail.

When people say to me: "How do you do so many things?" I often answer them, without meaning to be cruel: "How do you do so little?" It seems to me that people have vast potential. Most people can do extraordinary things if they have the confidence or take the risks. Yet most people don't. They sit in front of the telly and treat life as if it goes on forever. ~Philip Adams

Perspective

A penny will hide the biggest star in the Universe if you hold it close enough to your eye. ~Samuel Grafton

Yesterday, I got my hair highlighted in my house. She did a wonderful job, I didn't have to leave my beautiful home while enjoying an adult beverage. I was warm, with friends, getting my hair fixed and just finished a great workout. Yet, I was sad. So many strange and negative thoughts run through my head sometimes. Thoughts of insecurities, doubts, fears, worries and sadness. I let them take my moments, my happiness and ruin my life. If I want to be happy wouldn't I just stop them and choose to be so? I usually do, but sometimes I like having a pity party? I can't continue to let it bring me down. I do not want to regret not realizing how good life is until it's too late.

Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

It seems I battle too many times with my perspective. When I realize how wonderful my life is and how blessed I have been; I am happy, content and full of joy. Yet, when I think and focus on the negative things, I get extremely sad. Fortunately, it's just that easy. We all have a choice to be happy or not. Joy is not situational. It's just a matter of continually focusing on the blessings and knowing that God will take care of the rest.

Be careful how you interpret the world: It is like that. ~Erich Heller

Worry

People gather bundles of sticks to build bridges they never cross.

Worry is the state of engaging in chains of thoughts and images of a negative and an uncontrollable nature in which mental attempts are made to avoid anticipated potential threats.

Where does worry really get us and why the heck do we do it???
It makes us jaded, miserable, anxious, takes you nowhere, builds fear and ruins our present moments. So why do we worry so naturally? Are there any times when it has assisted us? Does it help to protect ourselves from future mistakes? Now I am worried about how I worry????? hahaha
I know I could do less worrying and my fears are hindering me... so I must do something about it...but what?
Sometimes, the only way to combat worry is to remember what you appreciate and focus on that?


God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things that I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference